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As soon as the stay-at-home order hit, the dating game changed. Maybe you got Zoom-date fatigue or maybe you’re now determining who to date based on vaccination status. However, what’s going on in the world doesn’t have to harm your love life. In fact, it could even be beneficial. For example, dating during a pandemic meant focusing on an emotional connection first, since the physical connection and new-relationship excitement isn’t possible. You got to know who someone was without spending time and energy doing the actual dating. You learned to build slower connections (plus, it’s more foreplay, you know?) and staying at home became an opportunity to get to know other people with fewer distractions. The past two years have changed us in many ways, and the way you date (and prioritize what you want) can be one of them. Reevaluate what you’re looking for and how you want to date based on the lessons you’ve learned.

Thinking being a good guy is enough to get you a girl : Most guys think that being the good (or ‘nice guy’) is enough to get girls to pay attention to them. When they find a girl attractive, instead of them manning up and asking the girl out on a proper date, they begin to do nice things for her, hoping that she’ll look at them and see that he’s the one they want to be with. Don’t get this wrong. There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for a girl you like. However, if you just infinitely do nice things for a girl, never making any move, and hoping that she will one day look at you and want to date you, you are making a big mistake. Of course, simply doing nice things may work on rare occasions (if the girl already likes you), but those occasions are exemptions to the rule. In most cases, the guy will only end up in the friendzone.

Keeping the romance in a relationship is hard work. Most people just go with the flow and gradually let a natural decay slowly kill the relationship. This is why it takes a deliberate effort to make a relationship work. And when a man knows what to do to keep the romance alive, it blows a woman’s mind away. Men who understand this know the value of space. They know that it’s not just about giving the woman their attention all the time. They understand that as much as attention is good, it’s also good to go away, and let the mind want what it already has. This is perhaps why Esther Perel, a relationship therapist put it that desire needs space. Those who don’t understand this simple concept end up with a passion that only lasts as long as their hormones can remain fired up.

Ask for Clarification: If your date makes a comment that you don’t understand, smile, and politely ask them for an explanation. Sometimes I use humor to do this, “Educate me, can you explain, I really don’t understand?” That gives your date a chance to elaborate on the subject while you get the chance to better understand their values, perspectives on life, interest and a whole realm of other important factors while getting to know someone out in the dating wilderness.

The purpose of going on dates, talking to new people, and opening yourself up to meet someone new is not to feed your ego, affirm insecurities, or to find a soulmate ASAP. The purpose is to collect information that will bring you closer to a happy, fulfilling life and to have a good time along the way. Bottom line: It should be fun meeting new people, whether or not a second date follows. If it’s not, take a break from dating to reflect on what you’re really looking for in your dating life.

Since it can be very challenging to examine yourself in this way, I highly recommend working with a dating coach. An unbiased third party can not only help you to identify what your current baggage is and why you’re still struggling with it, but also offer clear-cut advice on what you need to do to move past it. When new clients come to me unsure of why they keep accidentally sabotaging their own dating chances, I can often tell right away what baggage is getting in their way. Once you’re ready to really take a good look at your destructive beliefs and thought patterns, you can start replacing those with healthier and positive alternatives that will make you a more attractive, emotionally strong, and desirable partner.

Narcissists and controlling personalities very often like to lock things down ASAP — because they like to dictate the pace, they thrive on the thrill of making you swoon over them, and fast-tracking intimacy means they get what they want out of you sooner. Unfortunately, when you get in too deep too fast, you don’t have a chance to see who they really are before committing. Then, three months in, when you have your first argument, it may become crystal clear that they’re not only completely different than the person who swept you off your feet but probably incapable of forming a healthy bond. The lesson here? Slow and steady wins the race. Anyone worth being with will be willing to wait for those feelings to grow. By taking your time in dating, you’re allowing yourself the opportunity to get to know all facets of the other person — not just the ones they want you to see — before making any decisions about your future.

While the idea of love, at first sight, may seem romantic, it is not necessarily a realistic expectation. It takes time to truly get to know someone and establish a deep connection. Instant attraction and infatuation can be powerful, but building a lasting relationship requires more than just physical chemistry. The belief in a single, perfect soulmate who completes us is a popular myth perpetuated by movies and books. This idea can create unrealistic expectations and put undue pressure on relationships. It is important to recognize that compatibility is a result of shared values, interests, and goals, rather than just a mystical connection.

Don’t…let the last two years deter you from finding love. If the pandemic has taught us anything, it’s to cherish life. Reflect and really think about what is important to you. If you’re single and want to look for love, make it a priority and don’t be afraid. Do…be your full, authentic self. Being true to yourself and confident in who you are is one of the most attractive qualities. And people are super attracted to confidence.