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What’s actually important in evaluating a profile is its tone. You want to try and get a sense of what the person is like, which can be truly difficult. It’s a challenge as a novelist to convey characters in meaningful ways — it’s no less demanding for a person writing, or reading, dating profiles. It’s key to read between the lines to get a sense of whether the person seems well-adjusted — pleasant, friendly and reasonable, someone you would be drawn to if you met him or her in person, even if you didn’t know her top five favorite movies.
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Married daters are more common than we’d like to think, says dating coach Laurel House, host of the podcast The Man Whisperer. Her tip: “A little pre-date due diligence is smart. Do a Google image search with his photo to see if it links to a Facebook or Instagram account.” This can also protect you from scam artists—be wary if the photos seem too perfect or his language is considerably more fluent in his profile than in his messages. And if he tells you he lost his wallet and needs a loan? Run. The first thing Hoffman tells me: “This takes time and attention. I want you to be on the site at least three hours a week.” Uh-oh. That’s three episodes of The Sinner.
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“When choosing a profile photo, look for a picture in which you have a genuine — not forced — smile and a slight tilt of the head. Research has found that both of these features are related to positive first impressions. Also, if you’re planning to include a group photo on your profile, go for pictures where you’re in the middle and everyone looks like they’re having a good time. After all, you want to give the impression that you’re someone people like to be around.” —Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of the “Sex and Psychology” blog.
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